I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
