Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
