Don't you send me to vm
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
