So drunk its hurt
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
