She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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