I can text with my tongue
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
