I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
