Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
