we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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