If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
