Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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