Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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