She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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