dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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