He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This baby is an asshole
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
