i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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