A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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