so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
