What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
