Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
