who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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