12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
