she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
