I'm gonna have a badass scar
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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