I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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