Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
