Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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