just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
