Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
