We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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