i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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