The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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