What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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