I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
