It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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