Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
