drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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