If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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