My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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