after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
