I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
