Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
