but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
