Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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