alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
