i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
