the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
