I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
