just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
