you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
