I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
