kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
